Abscissa – Autism and Techno Blog

Sonething a little bit different tonight. But greetings.

Had something to write about for a change. Might be a short blog but what the hell.

Day by day, a growing, gnawing sense that I need to do something totally new and embrace the future, or at least change the present.

All the things I do for enjoyment are always old hobbies that I won’t let go of. Time alone spent doing what has already made me happy at some point in the past.

Unfulfilling time sinks but that’s what makes me happy right?

Not anymore it seems.

Popped out to my usual local to catch the second half of the England Brazil match. Once it finished, damn, I just felt like going somewhere else.

Somewhere with actual night life. Going somewhere other people go, young, good-looking people, to have a good fucking time. Not just somewhere quiet to chill out or drink to be miserable.

Where I’ve gone tonight is somewhere, for the first time in forever, that actually has bouncers on the door. Surprised they let me in seeing as hiw I didn’t make much effort to be presentable.

I’m still here on my own, on my phone away in a dark corner. But this is me being open to meeting people. Loud music tonight, not favourite music it has to be said. But Im happy to be here.

Lol indeed, a small amount of argie-bargie happening a few feet away from me and the bouncers have to step in.

Booked a couple of days off work to make it a long weekend. Did nothing but play more Tomb Raider. Playing the old expansion packs that are brand new to me.

Back to another busy week on monday as I’ll be covering my colleagues workload. Life is good in some ways. Despite the usual angsty terror eating away at my heart.

How’s this night going? No different than usual. But this is a definite step in a better direction.

Definite plans forming in my mind for the future. Not least attending a house music night next sunday. Possibly attending a festival at the town park in june depending on ticket availability and my willingness to pay £25.

Reinforcing the idea that my own mental wellbeing is always influenced by those around me. Why didn’t I just automatically look to the hedonistic and attach myself to those a long time ago.

Well had to readjust and reorient myself first. But I could have spent so much time in the presence of those who pursue a fucking good time. They were always who I naturally look for anyway.

One step at a time can be the most tedious, soul-killing process. But it still is the way.

Next step is actually interacting at some point.

Thanks for reading as always xx

Jamie