I have an admission to make.
I continue to share myself on Facebook to bring a bit of positivity and in the hopes of getting a positive reaction.
I’m trying to be more positive in the hopes of encouraging friends to get back in touch and spend time with me again.
I’m only getting any sort of reaction from family and it’s usually the same small group who show any sign of valuing how I’m doing.
Times like I do feel very desperate and manipulative but the most difficult part of recovering is only having support from the family I was born with and having little to no support from all the friends I’ve made that are on Facebook that I have no interaction with.
I desperately want to make new friends but I’m not comfortable around people I don’t know. All social clubs and groups where i might have been safer making friends have basically been killed off because of the covid response.
I’m doing the best I can to be more comfortable by myself but all my hobbies and interests I know are just distractions to fill the void while I don’t have the kind of close friendships I need to feel safe and happy anymore.
It’s time now for me to ask myself whether I’m better off learning how to be myself and not need anyone or how to overcome my anxieties and be more socially active.
I don’t want to dwell on hard luck “poor me” stories but the truth is that I’m very tired of trying to keep myself positive while months go by without anyone outside of family taking time to think of me and get in touch and offer to spend time with me.
I am doing better at being on my own and to be honest I feel more comfortable being alone than being social.
I think for now at least, that I’m no longer interested in trying to please others by sharing my positive stuff. Planning on shutting myself away from social media so I can work exclusively on making myself happy.
I’ll happily spend time with anyone who gets in touch with me but I don’t want to put myself on the line anymore. I don’t want to share my life with those who have little inclination to share themselves with me.
I will continue to blog here of course as it’s very helpful to have this outlet where only those who invest their time in me are reading.
Thanks always and my kindest regards to those who are.