Through it all. Through all the hard work and progress that I make, I still don’t fully trust myself to open myself up and engage when the opportunity arises. It feels like I don’t see any sign of meeting someone who will really see me for who I am and invest themselves into me out of anything other than pity and feeling sorry for me.
I hesitate to share any positivity in my life as it evokes the sense of manipulation. I want to share the good energy and receive the same but there’s no feeling of connection. I don’t want to spend my energy trying to attract affection to end up hurt again.
All because of the same insecurity that digs claws into my spine. That were all just a bunch of selfish creatures milking each other for what we can get and I’ll be left alone to shovel my broken heart back into place.
I think now that I will share all in the world in the world that brings me joy if only to find those who would share in my joy.
I would give my heart 100% to those who would choose to spend their lives with me.
I’ve always despised the arrogance of those who love themselves but I think we all need to love ourselves in order to function healthily.
So how the hell do I do that? The first step is relearn how to feel love again.